


ASEAN chaos!

by JenniferWilson



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: ASEAN Characters, Could be offensive, Gen, Singapore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-19
Updated: 2011-10-12
Packaged: 2018-05-02 05:25:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5235893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferWilson/pseuds/JenniferWilson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ASEAN: Association of Southeast Asian Nations. Or rather the life and times of the Southeast Asian nations. Food, culture and general slapstick humour applies. Based on real-life experiences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let's have a meeting!

"Okay, it's now time to start the ASEAN meeting. In this meeting, we will discuss matters of Southeast Asia ~ana.'' Thailand, the host of this meeting, clasp his hands

''Whatever Thai, I still own that ancient temple.'' Cambodia gave a shrug. Thailand's cheeks reddened in anger.

''No! They're mine!''

''Why don't we talk about more recent things? Like the Spratly Islands. We need to teach China a lesson.''

''I agree! China's been getting on his high horse and claims the entire sea. By the way, take your ships off my property.'' Philippines slammed her fist against the table.

"Yours? Don't bite off anymore than you deserve. You are having military drills off my shore, Vietnam. Philippines get that hand off my coconut.'' Brunei yelled at the two female nations.

''Oi, Brunei, don't get cocky, some of your property happens to be mine. You have enough oil fields as it is, don't need to snatch some of my tourists as well." Malaysia argued.

"What! You have enough tourists thank to your Penang and Malacca old towns. I still need tourists as my oil fields are going to run out." Brunei shot back as he raised a hand to punch Malaysia back. Laos and Myanmar exchanged notes on how to prank Thailand, preferably by painting Shinatty on his back while Indonesia started caricaturing Phillippines in a most inappropriate fashion.

"Everyone stop what they're doing and shut up!" Singapore yelled. All froze.

"If we can't come up with anything like the Copenhagen meeting, my boss will kill me for sure. Aiyah, I'll probably get chewed out by LKY, wait," Singapore paused and frowned, "He's not in office anymore. Shame."

"Which boss? You have a President and a Prime Minister, Singapura." Malaysia snickered as Singapore aimed a kick at his head.

"Let's have East Timor in!" Indonesia said cheerfully.

"No! One, he won't be able to meet the requirements set for each ASEAN nation to improve it's economy. Two, he's gonna take some of the budget away from us!" Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos vetoed the idea.

"Damned." Indonesia bent down.

"Sorry East, I tried." The small boy crawled out of the drawer. The other nine nations stared.

"What is he doing here? Get out!" Vietnam threw him out of the window.

"East Timor! You heartless woman!" Indonesia threw himself at Vietnam while the others resumed their fighting.

"Does every meeting go like this?" One new foreign minister asked his counterpart. The other nodded and all ten sighed.

"It's even worse when China, Japan, or Korea step in. Hang on," one of them dialled and called Japan's phone number.

"Moshi Moshi?"

"Japan, can you come to this address, without your foreign minister."

"I would like to, but I don't have the time." The phone hung up immediately. The foreign minister sighed and turned to the new one.

"All ASEAN nations, with the exception of Thailand dislike Japan and would willingly team up to beat him up, but I think Japan won't be so easily tricked now."

"There goes our last trump card out of the window." All ten sat back and watched the nations fight.


	2. An interview with Spratly-san!

Singapore is neutral about East Timor as the eleventh member. Indonesia supports, but some of the developing countries in ASEAN doesn't want him in. They want some of the ASEAN budget for themselves, and if East Timor joins in, he is entitled to some of the budget. Meaning, less budget for them. I studied the Social Studies Textbook for more details.

And now, Interview of Spratly!

* * *

"Hello, am I supposed to speak into this?" A young Asian pointed to the microphone. His friend, Singapore nodded. They were in one of Singapore's recording studios because Singapore, true to his exacting ways, wanted a true recount of the story.

"Hello, my name is Spratly. I am a group of islands in the South China Sea. I am suspected to have a large amount of natural resources." He squeezed his sleeve, and a large amount of water spilt onto the floor.

"I lie off the coasts of the Philippines and Malaysia (Sabah), about one third of the way from there to southern Vietnam. There are no native islanders but there are rich fishing grounds and initial surveys indicate the islands may contain significant reserves of oil and natural gas." The door pounded on them as Spratly continued his speech which was recorded on camera. Spratly shook in fear.

"Around 45 islands are occupied by relatively small numbers of military forces from Vietnam, China, Taiwan, Malaysia and the Philippines. Brunei has also claimed an EEZ in the southeastern part of the Spratlys encompassing just one area of small islands above mean high water (on Louisa Reef.)" The door cracked open and Singapore ducked for cover as the door knob flew at his head.

"SPRATLY!" China yelled. "You belong to me, aru! Get here with Hong Kong and Tibet, aru."

"NO, he's mine, Big brother." Taiwan argued.

"He's mine!" Malaysia forced them down on the floor, only to be kicked by Philippines.

"You're not even near him. Us islands got to stick together, right, little Spratly?" Spratly gulped, shaking like a leaf.

"Philippines, get your dirty hands off him!" Vietnam gave a flick of her paddle. As the countries fought over Spratly, Singapore quietly sipped his tea.

"Singapore?"

"Leave while you can," Singapore opened a small door at the side. "This is going to get messy afterwards."

"China, don't you dare be so aggressive over Spratly. You're sending ships, and forcing us off our territory in the West Philippines Sea!" Philippines and Vietnam ganged up on the large nation.

"You even sent a ship to Singapore, don't you think we know what you're thinking!" Vietnam waved her paddle.

"I even got into this," Singapore rolled his eyebrows, "Vietnam, that ship is civilian-run. If he plans to invade, I'll be the first one hit." Singapore decided enough was enough and he went out the way Spratly went.

* * *

**SINGAPORE: Singapore's Foreign Ministry said recent incidents over claims in the South China Sea involving China, Vietnam and the Philippines are the reasons for the great interest in the port call in Singapore by Chinese maritime surveillance vessel, Haixun 31.**

In a statement on Monday, MFA said scores of vessels from many countries, including naval vessels, call at Singapore every day without arousing the slightest excitement.

It said Singapore is not a claimant state and takes no position on the merits or otherwise of the various claims.

But as a major trading nation, Singapore has a critical interest in anything affecting freedom of navigation in all international sea lanes, including those in the South China Sea.

MFA said Singapore has repeatedly said that it's in China's own interests to clarify its claims in the South China Sea with more precision as the current ambiguity has caused serious concerns in the international maritime community.

A good start it said would be the conclusion of the implementation guidelines for the Declaration on the Conduct of Parties in the South China Sea which has been held up for almost a decade.

-Taken from Channel News Asia


	3. Chapter 3

A Japanese man is asked to a potluck and he brings along some of his sweets. The potluck is full of Asians and he puts it aside to talk to a Turk.

The Chinese man takes one good look at the sweets on the table and walks away, muttering about the not being as cute as a certain character.

The Thai smiles and tastes one sweet, before taking one to pass it to a Cambodian. However, the Cambodian does not like the taste, and gives the half-bitten sweet back to the Thai. The Thai frowns.

The Malaysian takes one sweet, and complains that it is not spicy enough. The Indonesian agrees with him as he takes one sweet as well.

The Filipino enjoys the sweet and passes it to several of her friends. She plans to take some home later, but is stopped by a disapproving Vietnamese. She tells him to leave some for the others, before taking two and replacing it with two sweets of her own specialty, green bean cakes.

The Bruneian tastes a sweet and thinks that it is sweet and asks the Japanese how to make it.

The Singaporean, on the other hand, takes a good look and ensures that all of the members of the potluck are not looking at the table before taking out all of the hidden plastic bags in his pocket and stuffing the sweets into the bags.

The Vietnamese caught sight on him and complains to the Laotian. The Laotian tells it to the Turk who stares at the Singaporean angrily. The Singaporean mutters an apology before putting the contents back on the plate, making sure to secret a plastic bag into his shirt sleeve such that the Turk would not notice. The Japanese is too polite to complain.

 **Note:** Singaporeans have a sense of Kiasuism or "I want everything." Vietnamese green bean cakes are delicious. Indonesians and Malaysians like spicy things while Filipinos tend to share with their friends what they have.

* * *

 

"Brunei?"

"Yeah, Singapore?"

"Would you like to come to Marina South Pier? I would like to go fishing with you."

"Oi, Singapore, invite me as well." Malaysia rose up his hand. They were all at a Asean Meeting.

"I would like to eat some sea bass as well." Indonesia gave a high-five to Malaysia.

"What's with you two. Fishing at Marina South Pier doesn't mean that you will definitely catch sea bass." Singapore wondered. Both Malaysia and Indonesia chuckled.

"You haven't read the latest post going about, have you?" Brunei asked.

"Huh?"

"They say that some sea bass has been spotted lurking about St. John's Island."

"Did you just say St. John's?" Singapore dramatically paled.

"Yeah, what about it?" Singapore rapidly dialed on his hand phone, glaring back at Vietnam. This was urgent enough to interrupt a meeting!

"Hello, can you check the fishing nets? It's really urgent." He spoke to the manager of the fish farm.

"What! More than 200 fish escaped!" Malaysia and Indonesia had already left the room, fishing rods in tow. Singapore hung up on the frantic manager and excused himself from the meeting.

"Indonesia! Malaysia! Don't you dare eat those fish; it's my private supply of sea bass!" He yelled after the two laughing Malay nations.

* * *

 

**Singapore: Anlers reel in free bumper catch. Sea bass that escaped from government fish farm likely ended up on dinner tables (Strait Times June 24, pg A20)**

"My fish, those poor fish, all gone." Singapore moaned as he sobbed in his hands. Next to him, Indonesia and Malaysia were busy barbequing five freshly caught sea bass right in front of Singapore.

"Singapura, do you want one?" Malaysia waved one dipped in chilli sauce right in front of Singapore's face.

"Shut up, Malaysia. I haven't fined you yet for that last parking charge."


	4. Colonial Rule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Controversial and slightly dark.

"All right now, we better talk about the Spratlys…" Vietnam was about to start on a rant about China until Singapore cleared his throat.

"What is it, Singapore?"

"Do you think we are spending too much time on this Spratly Island business? Don't you think that what you are doing is colonization?" The room fell into silence. All had been colonized by the European Countries during the nineteenth century.

In Singapore's head, he started to think about the miserable times he had spent in England's house, together with Malaysia, Hong Kong and the rest of the colonies. He shivered at the thoughts of the inedible food he was forced to eat everyday under England's care. Malaysia was known as Malaya then, and Singapore had always relied on him for raw materials.

Malaysia was thinking about the time Singapore had snatched most of the things from him. After all, Singapore had snatched trade from Malacca, Penang and other ports. Even when he was the great Melaka Sultanate, he had always worried about Singapore and when Netherlands came, both burnt down Singapore's docks.

Indonesia was thinking about the various paintings that had been shipped to Holland of his scenery. _"And the bastard hasn't even paid me back compensation for ill-treatment yet."_

Cambodia however was thinking about the various ill-treatment he had faced from France and China, followed by his own Khmer Rouge. Ah, if only the great Khmer Kingdom was up to its greatness once more.

Myanmar was thinking about the various ills he had been subjected to by England, especially the disrespect from the soldiers and policeman.

Brunei worried about his existence nearly being wiped off the map by England when Malaysia fell to England and he's own security was threatened.

Laos wondered if France groping colonies was normal. After all, out of the France Indo-China possessions, he had been molested the most by the perverted country.

Phillippines was thinking about her former masters, Spain and America. Spain was a good guy, but he played favorites and was strict with her. And America, oh that guy…

* * *

" _Hey Phillippines, you there, I'm America! From today on, you're my sidekick! First things first, give me a coconut!"_

" _Hey, you can't take things without paying!"_

* * *

Vietnam was having a rather nasty atmosphere around her which scared Laos and Cambodia. She however was thinking about the good old times.

" _Vietnam, now you're my penal colony." China had possessed her for nearly a thousand years, treating her like how England treated Australia, a place for criminals._

_"Hello, Vietnam~! What big breasts do you have. Would you mind telling me what is your breast cup size?" Then France took over. However, after the war ended..._

_"W-who could h-have k-known y-you were so sc-scary..." France whimpered as Vietnam slammed him with one of her paddles, while Laos followed. From there, it was a succession of what China could have said," 100 strikes to the backside."_

* * *

"Fufufu, China, you sure did know how to punish your criminals, even if you are a jerk most of the time." The aura around Vietnam was just like Russia and Laos took several steps away from the smiling Vietnam.

"Ana~." Thailand tried to break the sudden atmosphere, only to have every other ASEAN nation glaring at him.

Thailand did not get colonized after all.

"Why were you so damned lucky!" Cambodia attacked Thailand.

"Huh? Are you trying to find a way for the fighting to resume again, commie? I would let you know, the Puea Thai scored a huge victory and I'm feeling lenient just right now, so don't ruin my mood ana~." Thailand fought off Cambodia, only to be surrounded by Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam. Myanmar had brought in a few guns.

All four were socialist. Poor Thailand.

"Save me ana~!"


	5. Philippines: Colonial Diary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also controversial.

"Planting Rice is never fun,

Bend from rise to set of sun

Cannot stand and cannot seat

Cannot rest a little bit"

Planting Rice, A Filipino folk song.

* * *

 

**The Spanish arrive**

"Hola! I'm here to claim my share of the Tordesillas treaty." Spain walked into the palace of Cebu. The treaty of Tordesillas treaty divided between Spain and Portugal the yet unexplored world. Spain's captain had taken 109 days to cross the Pacific and made land fall on Homonhon. It was six weeks after that.

After Christianizing the local king and his followers, they were all sitting down at a feast of the local fare. Surprisingly, Spain had not seen the representative of this new country. The king said that she was out gathering flowers. Well, Spain reflected, he might not need to see her as well. Spain moaned the fact that Romano did not come with him, having to settle matters at home.

"Ah, my cute little tomato," As Spain daydreamed about the small protectorate, he did not notice the wooden door cracking.

A log went through the unfortunate door, and Spain was alarmed. The door broke apart with another slam, and Spain met face to face with a tanned, busty goddess.

That was, of course before he noticed the primitive spear.

"Our of our lands, barbarians!" She pointed the pointy end at Spain's neck. A man, identified as the Chieftain Lapu Lapu by their host, told his men to surround the "foreign barbarians".

"You are not welcome here, foreigner." Spain really wanted to go home.

* * *

 

**The Spanish Conquer**

**1565**

"Hahaha!" You regret forcing off what is fully ours?" Spain's boss laughed. They were at Mynilad, where they had taken over from Sulayman, the ruler. Philippines, for that was the name given twelve years later glared at him.

"We will not be broken. I swear to the gods above, we will not be captured for long!"

"God, not gods." Spain corrected her, to only be given a second glare.

"What are you going to do with me now."

"Well, we're going to Christianize you!" Spain smiled. Philippines could not believe her ears. All they were going to do was change their religion? That sounds too good to be true.

"Then, you have to wear this." Spain flashed out a maid's dress, one of which Romano had worn before. Philippines, having never seen the dress before, agreed.

From that day on, she had to fight off the advances of a certain someone. France to be exact.

"France, get away from me!" She batted him away with a large meat chopper.

"Oh, honhonhon, you know, I always like the dark vivacious type, _Cherie_!" France reached out for her assets, literally drooling with pleasure.

* * *

 

**Regarding the 4** **th** **of July**

Philippines cheered as she read the documents. She was free! No more overlords, no more Americans asking for coconut. Now they were all limited to an air base near the volcano, and she won't go there even if she was begged.

Several years later...

"Hang on!" One of the men commented. "Why is our independence day the same day as the Americans?" Philippines froze as she registered what the men said. He was right. She shared the same (official) birthday as America.

"That can't do!" her boss exclaimed, "When was Philippines' first independence date. 12 June? We'll make Independence Day then. 4th July would be relegated to Philippines-America friendship day." Philippines felt her nerve twitching. They were still celebrating with the Americans. Not only that, the new independence date was declared by the General, and he won because the Americans helped him, only to backstab him later.

* * *

 

**Character Bio: Philippines**

Alias: Carol Rizel-Carriedo

Philippines is a head strong girl, who looks 19 years of age. Though she already had exchanges with China during the Ming Dynasty back in the 10th century, America treats her like a child. (Found only in sixteenth century).

America: Oi! No free coconuts!

Spain: Okay, I forgive you. But don't get France here or else!

Vietnam: Partner in crime when fending off China

Singapore, Hong Kong, Taiwan: Employers which my maids go to.

Indonesia: Competitor for maids.

China: Bastard! See you in the UN court!

Japan: Okay, you invest in me. But apologize for the atrocities!

Spratly: Join me, we have cookies!


	6. Singapore: Colonial Diary, and his notations on others

**Singapore under England**

_"Sang Nila Utama_

_Saw a lion alamak_

_Named the village Singapura_

_Then run very far."_

* * *

 

"Faster! I want to declare that island mine!" Sang Nila Utama, the prince of the Sultanate of Johor, ordered his men to row. He had seen a distant island while out hunting and it was beautiful! Just like a perfect holiday place.

Thunder cracked around him and he looked up to see a storm brewing.

"Faster! If we don't reach the island in time..." Rain dropped in swarms around the boat and the sea became rough. The boat rocked with a tremendous force and the captain had already ordered the others to throw heavy things overboard so that they won't risk a sinking in these dangerous waters.

"My Lord, your crown is the only thing left that will influence the weight of the boat." Utama had a hard choice to make. Princely Crown or holiday place?

He threw the crown overboard. His Princely life was more important after all.

"The storm stopped! Allah, bless you!" One of the boat man called. Utama was relieved. And they had reached land.

"My Servant!" He called one of his subjects. "What is that animal near the banyan tree?" He pointed to a shadowy figure. It was half hidden by the tree's shadow.

"Judging by it's long locks of hair, it must be a lion!" The servant replied. Utama was pleased with this reply.

"We shall call this village Singapura." He decided on the spot. One of his advisors shook his head.

"My lord, this place has an original name! It's Tema..." The advisor was stopped from finishing his sentence as the boat turned away.

"Let's go home!" All aboard were shocked at his reply.

"But my lord, we just got here!" They exclaimed, only to be silenced by a narrowed eye.

"It has lions! Do you want to endanger your lord's life?" He ordered them to row back.

On the island, the newly named Singapura glanced at the retreating boat. Who was that odd man? Why had he pointed at him, and renamed him that odd name? Singapura stepped out from under the tree's shadow.

"Doesn't he know that there aren't any lions in Singapura?" He scratched his head.

(Singapore is called Singapura in Malay, which literally means Lion City. This is odd because we don't have lions, only tigers. Temasek means sea town. )

* * *

 

_"Years later ang moh came_

_Stamford Raffles was his name_

_Pose for statue very nice_

_We kenna colonize"_

* * *

 

"So this is Singapore?" Raffles asked the police chief. He nodded.

"This belongs to the Sultan of Johor, no one can set up without his permission," The Police Chief explained.

"Temenggong!" Both men turned to see a young boy, of tanned skin dragging a top in the mud.

"Singapura!" The Police chief called out sharply, "Didn't I tell you to remain in the mud house?"

"But Temenggong, it was boring! Who's this anyway?" He pointed to Raffles.

"I am William Stamford Raffles, of the British Empire." The man posed, arms crossed.

In the 21st century...

"And this was where Stamford Raffles first stepped ashore." As the tourists swarmed over the statue, Singapore snorted in his bubble tea.

That was also where he had made that infamous pose.

"Oh Raffles, if only you knew." He smirked.

* * *

  


Comparing similarities between Europeans and Asians

**Both are Sarcarstic**

Singapore sipped his bubble tea while England sipped his Earl Grey. In front of them was France being chased by Switzerland. France had earlier learnt the "breast assault technique" from Korea and attempted it on Poland, only to find that he had groped the wrong blonde.

Both have short hair, and no breasts. So France was finding himself on the path to being a new kind of Swiss cheese, courtesy of Switzerland himself.

"Why you! How dare you!" Bang! The shot gun went off as Switzerland aimed at Bordeaux.

"Nice scenery isn't it, England? I enjoy this kind of sights. It is a pity that nudity is not allowed in my country." Singapore swallowed a tapioca ball.

"Yes, I appreciate it a lot as much as you do."

**Both are Scary Females**

"Belarus!" Vietnam greeted the woman. The blonde nodded. The Asian got close to Belarus.

"Have you got the papers?" Belarus asked, reaching out from behind her back.

"Yeah. Your brother would never know what hit him." Vietnam answered, tossing the papers into Belarus's hands. The European let out a girly squeal.

"He is married under Vietnamese law." Vietnam winked. Russia had encouraged China to invade Korea and her, this was just payback.

"This is going to be 'mazing..." An evil aura crept over the two. Nearby, Italy peeked and shivered back. Romano on the other hand, was fascinated by Vietnam. France was cowering.

"My back..." He recollected the number of times Vietnam had beaten him and winced.

**Both like music**

"Ana, this is cute!" Thailand petted the cat. Next to him, Greece smiled in appreciation. It was the annual Countries' pet get together day, and naturally their owners had to tag along. Pochi was wagging his tail and sniffing at Egypt's jackal. Australia's Koala had wondered over to Malaysia's pet tiger and Thailand's elephant had found it's way to...

Ahem.

"W-What is this!" Malaysia yelped as the elephant grabbed hold of his neck and tightened it's hold.

"Stop!" Thailand ordered his elephant, but the stubborn animal still refused to let go. Malaysia was busy praying to Allah that he would not be treated like the last time, where he was repeatedly thrown against the wall by the grudgeful pet.

"Huh?" Chopin was playing from the next room, where Austria was in. It was intermingled with strains of Bengawan Solo.

"Wahhh!" Malaysia was ungraciously dropped. Thailand peeked curiously to find both Austria and Indonesia in the midst of a music competition.

"Indonesia," Malaysia paused, "Are those shadow puppets? Were you actually singing?"

Indonesia stepped on Sabah and Malaysia yelped as his right foot ached.

"I didn't know you express Bengawan Solo as anger!" Thailand laughed, only to be faced with a large drum. That pretty much covered his head within the next minute.


	7. Across the Crossway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malaysia and Singapore's relationship in a nutshell

" _WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU! ROCK YOU Ow! ROCK YOU Ow_!" Singapore chanted with his country's fans.

" _OLEH OLEH OLEH OLEH~_ " Malaysia chanted back with his fans. Nearby, the rest of the ASEAN countries looked on.

"You think they'll be alright?" Myanmar asked worriedly. It looked strangely similar to a scene at the England-France football tournament he had seen. And it was not pretty.

"Course they will, the most damage they could do is yell their hearts out. They've been rivals for an awfully long time ana~." Thailand watched the scene through his binoculars. Vietnam was placing bets for the whole group.

"Indonesia?" Cambodia asked the nation, "They are your brothers, right?"

"Mine too," Brunei interjected, "But Singapore is still in denial. He even takes up a Chinese name!"

"Well, when two third of your population is Chinese, you will have to take an ethnic name suited to that." Philippines retorted, "Oh, Singapore's team seems to be struggling."

"They had a 4-1 lead in the first half, it's no wonder Malaysia's team is trying their hardest." Laos replied.

"Hang on, when did their rivalry start?" Vietnam asked as she set the tickets down. Both Brunei and Indonesia smirked.

"Oh, it was a long time ago."

* * *

"Temasek! Temasek!" Temasek sang as he collected the fish from the market. Oh they smelt so good. He was going to soak them in oil and sambal and lots of chilli and invite big brother East Indies and Malaya and even the Sultanate of Brunei over.

Wait, what was that smoke from? Temasek turned to see Malaya happily burning the market he was just in, together with a blonde with a scar on his forehead.

"Wait, stop!" Temasek was a small child back then and even at his top speed, he could not reach the market in time. It burnt before his very eyes, and ashes floated in the air.

"There you are," Temasek paled. Malaya was holding a kris in his hand.

"Do you want to live?" Temasek nodded, crawling away from the teenager.

"Then live like a fisherman! Live in this squalor! Muahahaha!" Malaysia scratched Temasek's face and laughed like a maniac. Temasek cried as the Malayan warrior sailed away, together with the Dutchman.

What he had not known was that Malaya had been forced to do this by Netherlands, who felt that Temasek was a threat. With no Singapore, the convenient trading port in the Straits of Malacca would be in their taxed ports. It was wonderful!

"Eh!" Cambodia asked. "Does Singapore knows this?"

"Well, Singapore was still young, back then he didn't understand. He eventually forgot this. In fact, I only learnt of this through Malaysia, when he was upset." Indonesia said knowledgably.

"Malaysia does regret it right?" Vietnam asked suspiciously, "Now I understand why Singapore always tries to be ASEAN's Number one. He probably didn't want to get hurt like that again.

* * *

Year 1824

Raffles and England looked at each other.

"You brought this on yourself." England sipped his tea.

"Well, Singapore and Malaya have to rely on each other. One does not have the convenient resources, and the other, the convenient location!" Raffles shook his head in disappointment. Nearby, Malaya and Singapore were a frothing mass of bodies, rage and anger. 

"Singapore! Malaya! Stop that at once!" England yelled. The two Malay countries looked at the foreigner.

"You think that you should stop fighting? After all, you two do rely on each other!" Raffles told them. Malaya scratched his head.

"Well, I don't like his puny little face. You should have gone home and took care of Bencoolen! The East Indies were handed over to the Dutch! Don't you know that Netherlands is a weird maniac?" Malaya replied.

"I agree with the Northern neighbour. You fight with France, don't you?" Singapore noted before throwing a punch at Malaya's face. The two resumed their fighting.

* * *

"Hang on, why didn't Malaysia come under France? It would be a perfect match, ana~!" Thailand clasped his hands together. Vietnam agreed.

"They are so like England and France. One wonders if Malaysia was France in disguise." Phillippines snorted. Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam looked at her in shock.

"You're right! France does act like Malaysia!"

* * *

It was World War II. Japan was returning home at last.

"Bleh! Bye bye, stupid Japs!" Singapore waved at them with a large British Flag. Malaya was joining in the celebration by lighting firecrackers along with some of Singapore's people. Next to them, England winced. Hong Kong had spread the firecracker disease to them as well. He really had to find the source of those firecrackers.

* * *

 

" _Oi! Xiang Gang!" China passed the firecrackers to Hong Kong, who examined them with glee. "Light them up whenever he gets cranky. He really gets pissed!"_

* * *

 

It appears that questioning Hong Kong would be one of the next few actions of the day. However, he was just content to see Singapore recovering. 123 years gone to waste, Singapore must really be suffering!

Just then, he caught side of a Chinese Rally. They were petitioning to have independence. He stood up. That will have to be dealt with. However...

"Merdaka! Merdaka!" Malaya chanted with his citizens. They wanted independence. England could feel another headache coming.

* * *

 

"And there was this really freaky episode as well as England tried to stop the spread of communism, ana~!"Thailand exclaimed, only to be stared at with menace by Vietnam.

"Alright, no communist jokes! I got the point, ana~!" Thailand held up his hands with mock despair. Vietnam huffed before removing her boot away from his shoulder. Laos handed Thailand a towel, to wipe away all the sweat he was perspiring. Funny, why was it cold?

"No," Brunei disagreed as he looked at Thailand, "The freakiest thing in the twentieth century is,"

* * *

"WHAT!" That was the collective reply of both Malaysia and Singapore. Both of their bosses tried to explain why they were merging.

Singapore was having the hardest time coping. He railed and yelled at his boss, shouting, "It's not fair! England doesn't have any right to decide how we should obtain independence! And we specially," he pointed at Malaysia, "Don't have to merge with him of all people. Why can't we merge with Brunei! Brunei is the best person to merge with! He's got oil, he's got a port..."

"He is definitely not under colonial rule and further more, he is more than a thousand kilometres from you! Be reasonable Singapore!" Singapore's boss was losing patience with the irritated nation.

The tunku was having a slightly different response.

"We're going to be overrun by the communists from Singapore! And they'll totally change the face of me with their talk of 'equality for all races,' there might be even more Chinese than Malay! We won't be Malaya anymore!" Malaya was in the midst of a panic attack. It was worsened by the fact that Singapore was his brother.

"Well, the results have came in. Singapore votes for merger!" Lee Kuan Yew announced over the protesting voices of Singapore and Malaysia.

* * *

"Of course it didn't last long afterwards. Indonesia helped in convincing the two leaders that the two cannot mix." Brunei snorted. Indonesia looked pleased with himself. The others stared at him.

"You bombed MacDonald's. Anything for you to say for yourself?" America suddenly appeared, holding a burger.

"I was under influence by the communist party." Indonesia pushed America out of the stadium.

"What was that guy doing here?" Vietnam had already loaded her rifle.

"Relax, Viet. That guy still helps us with the Spratly dispute, remember? He gave a pledge." Philippines reminded her.

"That guy has a habit of breaking pledges. Remember the Vietnam war?" It was Vietnam's turn to remind Philippines.

"Anyway, long story short, Singapore declared independence and strove on his own to create a name for him." Indonesia concluded the story. Just then, Singapore entered the spectator's stand. Malaysia was following behind, hanging his head in shame.

"5-3! Take that, Malaysia!"

"It's only the first round, little bastard! Wait till you see our home stadium, our ultras would beat your fans hands down!" Malaysia rebutted back.

"You're just saying that because you're a sore loser! Remember, I'm ASEAN's Number one!" Singapore started cheering.

"He's not just ASEAN's number one, he's also one of the four Asia tigers as well." Hong Kong, Taiwan and South Korea appeared. They dragged Singapore over for a celebration, East Asia style.

"You idiots, that's a Malay country you're celebrating with!" Brunei protested, only to be stopped by Malaysia.

"Let them go, Brunei." Malaysia snorted, "When we reach my stadium instead of this wimpy Jalan Besar, I'll like to see them in tears the next time." He strode away angrily.


	8. National Day

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! You smell like a monkey, and you look like one too!" All nine nations and Timor Leste congratulated Singapore.

"Thanks! Except for you, Malaysia." Singapore had a happy grin on his face.

"Ow, I am hurt, not."

"Whatever, you're still jealous of my national day parade!"

"That was forty five years ago!"

"Alright, don't fight already." Philippines calmed the two nations down. "It's still rather creepy though, being kicked out of the Malay Federation. I even caught your prime minister crying on television!"

"Alright, and by the way Singapore, your _former_ minister mentor looked like a senile idiot! No wonder the PAP lost! The number one enemy should just," Malaysia was saved from a rampaging Singapore by Indonesia, who clamped his palm over Malaysia's mouth. Brunei restrained Singapore, who had taken out a pair of handcuffs.

"Take that back! Or I'll fine you even more!"

"Is that all you are going to do, fine me! Who knows, I might even block the causeway."

"Please stop fighting! Because of you, Mr. Thailand and Cambodia are fighting as well!" A voice resounded through the room. Both pairs paused.

"Who said that!" Vietnam looked around. Laos blocked her vision.

"It's the ghost in the corner." Vietnam looked embarrassed.

"Oh, it's him. I thought it was America,"

"No, that's Canada you were thinking off who speaks like that." Philippines corrected her. "Why are we doing this again?"

"The longer we don't acknowledge him, the better." Singapore spoke wisely. Meanwhile, Myanmar was sneaking looks towards the slightly transparent redhead.

"Am I ever going to have a say in this again?" ASEAN sighed to himself.

* * *

_ASEAN: He's a redhead who was born on the 9th of August 1967, two years after Singapore's independence. He is best friends with the European Union, and the United Nations._

_The others generally ignore him as they feel that they should not be united in the ASEAN way style. If ASEAN became opaque, it meant that they've lost their values as countries, so in order to keep personal self interests, they do not contribute to him much, seeing how the European Union nearly caused the collapse of Europe through the Euro._

* * *

Myanmar sighed. He was finally having a civilian government, after years of military rule. And better still, Aung San Suu Kyi was finally released from house arrest.

"Good morning Miss Aung, I am your host for today, for the Yangon state visit. You may address me as Ri." Myanmar smiled to the Nobel Peace Prize winner. The woman looked puzzled.

"Have I seen you before?" Myanmar started to sweat furiously. He started to repeat to himself ,"A country must never reveal its nationhood, A country must never reveal its nationhood,"

"That's right, you were with my father long ago. How old are you right now?" The woman seemed oblivious to Myanmar's continuous flushing.

"Myan! Myan!" Myanmar started to panic, was it America again! He usually took his own presidents away for the day and cause them huge damage, would he damage the precious general's daughter as well? Oh dear god, he was going to kill Alfred. Why do Caucasians have to be so oblivious!

"Myan! I asked if you could have a holiday, but I didn't know that you were meeting with Miss Suu Kyi." It was England. Thank the lord!

"Are you friends?" Suu Kyi looked confused.

"Yeah, I am Arthur Kirkland, from the embassy." Myanmar quietly thanked England under his breath. He was saved!

"Then you couldn't be the person with my father. He was always strictly anti-British." Suu Kyi shook her head. Myanmar bowed his head in shame. That was years ago, and he was hard-headed enough to be swayed by the military...

* * *


	9. The troubles of being ASEAN

"Please give some money to the poor unfortunate!" ASEAN banged on the door. Indonesia threw open the door and glared back at him.

"Accept Timor-Leste and maybe I would consider it!" Indonesia gave his final ultimatum.

"You know very well I can't do that without the rest of the nations' consent. You are the top economy around here and I need to make sure that the four other non-major economy countries can catch up with you six in order to have the establishment of the ASEAN Economic Community. Please be considerate!"

"Then fine!" Indonesia threw his money on ASEAN's head. ASEAN sank to the floor as Indonesia closed the door behind him.

* * *

"Please give some money to the poor unfortunate!" ASEAN banged on another door. This time, it was Thailand who answered it.

"As long as the money doesn't go to Cambodia, I will give a lot." ASEAN had a pained look in his eyes.

"You know I can't do that as the fund collected has to be centralized among the four non-major economy countries." Thailand frowned. Suddenly, a bulb lighted up above his head.

"I know! I can give the money in Chinese currency! Cambodia is sure not to accept it." Thailand went in and ASEAN heard a lot of ke-chings before Thailand went out again.

"Here, bye ana~" Thailand waved him goodbye. ASEAN sweatdropped, "That's Vietnam you are thinking who doesn't accept Chinese currency, as well as the US dollar. Ah well, as long as I get the funds."

* * *

"Please give some money to the poor unfortunate!" Malaysia stared.

"What on earth are you talking about! I said already, I am not contributing. Aiyah, I need to go to the washroom!" Malaysia rushed into the toilet. ASEAN waited as he looked outside and saw several of the birds chirping away.

It was several hours before ASEAN's mind shook itself out of the birds. He knocked on the door and asked, "Malaysia, are you there?"

"..." Malaysia didn't answer. ASEAN fretted that he won't be able to get his money and using all the strength he could muster, he knocked the door down.

The window was open.

"What on earth! When Mas Selamat was under him, did he learn how to escape from windows?"

* * *

"Among the entire lot, Singapore is the most generous, despite having a small area. I better ask him for more money than the rest." ASEAN decided. Just then, he saw a flash next to him.

"Are you also getting money from Xin Jia Po?" China asked.

"Yes, China what are you doing!"

"Singapore's handbags are so cheap, Taiwan is asking me to buy them. Aiyah! If only the rest of the siblings were so nice to me, aru."

"Yes, I agree, but why are you getting money from Singapore?"

"He now has a budget of giving, starting today." China ran even faster. ASEAN's eyes widened, if Singapore gave all of his budget to China, that would mean there won't be any budget left for _him_ to take! Summoning up all the speed he had, he raced past China and reached Singapore's door.

"Please give some money to the poor unfortunate, Singapore?" Singapore opened the door. And to ASEAN's delight, Philippines and Vietnam were already there. Good, he was not going to make anymore runs for the day!

"Okay! I will be sending more ASEAN ambassadors your way, so be on the look out!" ASEAN could distinctly here the sounds of 'As long as it's not Malaysia asking for money.'

"Here's my contribution, ASEAN." Philippines handed him some money, as well as a coconut. "Now don't have the ASEAN economic community. It will get in the way of the Spratly dispute."

"Hey!" Vietnam argued, "I thought we were teaming up with Brunei?"

"But China has way too much influence over ASEAN as a whole. China! Why are you here!" The Asian nation had finally caught up. He made a finger gesture as a sign of money.

"You're asking money from Singapore too! That's not fair! Most of his people dislike yours because they keep barging into his universities, just like Canada!" Philippines said impatiently.

" _KolKolKol,_ you feed on Singapore, you must be punished." Vietnam hugged her oar threateningly. China gulped, before edging away.

"China, how do you do." Russia suddenly popped up behind them, along with North Korea. China screamed before running away.

"Thanks for the help, big brother! Russia, thanks!" Vietnam clapped her hands in joy.

"You're welcome, Vietnam." Russia crept away.

"Vietnam, I really can't understand, why does he listens to you?" Philippines asked.

"That's a secret!"

* * *

A/N: ASEAN's member countries' flag all has the colour red, that's why ASEAN's hair is red. 

Also, the six major economies are Indonesia, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Philippines and Vietnam.


	10. It's the Tsunami?

"Ah, I need to rush home, I'm breaking fast." Malaysia sat down in his car. He looked out.

"Nooooo!" He cried anime tears, whimpering.

Indonesia was riding the train, his mind mainly on the president's election.

"I hope Susilo will pick a new sucessor soon," he sighed. The lights started flashing and the train started jerking. Indonesia started to panic. These symptoms were too eerily similar to the power outages during the 2006 Tsunami Disaster. Was there going to be a second Tsunami? There wasn't any alert given to his country yet! He didn't think that America would be that cruel, along with England and the rest of the European countries.

Meanwhile, Singapore was at the bus-stop, reading the latest news with his brand new iPad 2.

"Man, the elections were so close! I thought I could finally decide to go moderate or PAP?" There was only a 0.35% difference in the votes between the top two candidates. He tutted, as he looked through Tan Kin Lian's vote share.

"He is so going to lose his forty eight thousand dollars, whoah!" There was a sudden rush and Singapore felt the iPad leaving his hands.

"What was that?" Singapore took one look behind him and screamed.

Vietnam and the rest of the ASEAN listened at Thailand's house as all three nations complained via telecast.

"Why did the transport system had a power outage!" Indonesia raged in anger.

"There is a massive traffic jam over at my capital! Send in a helicopter!" Malaysia cried. "I need to go to the toilet fast!"

"Some gust of wind blew off my iPad! The prime minister is never going to let me have another one without solving the problem at hand. Malaysia, this is all your fault!" Singapore moaned.

"What is going on here?" Myanmar asked. "I just had a call from Brunei. He thinks that he is going to die out of embarrassment because his oil ships refused to leave the port!"

"Don't you know what it means? I thought you would have suffered from it too." Vietnam sarcarstically replied. It's the one time of the year when all of the Muslim countries and Singapore go into a panic." Myanmar just looked curious.

"It's Hari Raya Puasa! It's celebrated as a national holiday in all four countries, so a lot of people are trying to return home!" Philippines exclaimed. "The technicians who are supposed to be on the job have taken a holiday, transport systems are disrupted as people want to return home. As for Singapore's missing iPad, he could have watched out for the motorists from Malaysia riding towards the Causeway."

"It can't be that bad. We all had holidays before right?" Myanmar shrugged his shoulders.

"China's got it worse thought." Vietnam chuckled. "You should see him at the Lunar New Year. The Pandas were going into heat the last time and he was forced to juggle state affairs while controlling his pet Pandas from rampaging over Chengdu."

Meanwhile, in several countries...

"I HATE HOLIDAY TRANSPORT WOES!" 

* * *

**Name Calling  
**

"Recalcitrant!" Australia's Foreign Minister pronounced upon Malaysia's leader. Australia stared at his Foreign Minister in shock. He had just made a diplomatic boo-boo.

"What did you just say?" Malaysia shook in anger. Meanwhile, Mahathir was trying to tell him that it was no big deal.

"Yes it is! That _angmorlang_ has no respect for us Asians! He is the one who's recalcitrant." Malaysia pointed a finger towards Australia.

"Watch where you're pointing, Malaysia." Australia took hold of his finger.

"Oh yeah, wait till you don't receive any palm oil or rubber from us anymore." Malaysia had a smug smile on his face. Australia gritted his teeth.

* * *

 

Till today, Malaysia and Australia still have bad diplomatic relations. Malaysia not exporting rubber is a big threat, considering it is the largest exporter of rubber in the world.


	11. Stampede

Malaysia was laughing. So was all the other countries.

"Singapore lost, to Jordan of all things! How's that for your foreign import, Hah!" Malaysia, who was still being sore about being kicked out of the world cup qualifying rounds with Singapore laughed the loudest.

"Of all people, why China! They have good breathing, but still!" Vietnam complained.

"Iraq is laughing his ass off at you." Indonesia pointed to Iraq and Jordan, who were clapping each other on the back.

"SHUT UP! DON'T RUB IT IN!" Singapore sobbed as he banged his head against the wall.

"Sorry, but seeing your pompous face in despair is just too funny." Myanmar giggled.

"Perhaps, you shouldn't have national service, you're throwing people away from their favourite game!" Thailand glared at Myanmar.

"I have national service too, you know." He whispered testily.

"Like I care." Myanmar harrumphed.

"Stupid Singapore! Stupid Singapore!" They chanted, pointing their fingers at him, causing Singapore to cry even more.

"Leave him alone!" A bright yellow dash slammed his fist down at them, causing them to blink in surprise. There was Brunei.

"Oh, if it isn't the one who was suspended!" Malaysia cackled.

"Hey, Singapore's sore enough as it is." Brunei glared angrily at them. "Who are you to tease him anyway."

"He's my brother, I have every right to tease him!" Malaysia curled his lip. "I won the Suzuki Cup, remember."

"You were beaten by him in the qualifying round."

"That was not my fault! He had this tiny stadium, it's so hard to make some spectacular moves!"

"You mean to say you were beaten." Brunei picked Singapore up. Singapore whimpered.

"Come on, let's go home."

"Wait, I want to say some more! You're an ass, Singapore!" Brunei blew a whistle before running away.

"I'll suggest that you move out of the way!" He whispered to Thailand. He nodded.

"What, is it some car?" Philippines asked, gazing behind her. Her eyes widened in shock.

"Get away!" She ran, along with the Golden Triangle. Both Indonesia and Myanmar looked behind them.

" _Babi...Babi..."_ Indonesia motioned behind them as he and Myanmar quietly crept away.

"What, is that a baby? Are you saying there's a baby behind me? Please, I have a lot of them!" Malaysia waved his hand dramatically in the air.

" _Babi Stampede!"_ Indonesia shouted as he ran. Malaysia finally looked behind him, and screamed like a little girl.

"It's a Wild Pig Stampede! Run!" China, Iraq and Jordan watched as Malaysia was chased by strange beasts with tusks, hair and extremely scary faces.

"Oh no," Iraq paled, "Some of them are heading towards **us**!"

All four nations were chased by wild pigs (and a few curious dogs) around the forests of Pulau Tekong all day.

"Some way to celebrate victory." Jordan sarcastically commented.

* * *

"You can't do this!" Singapore wept. "Not when I'm so reliant!"

"I'm sorry! But my farmers are in a bad state, plus it's the floods." Thailand cried.

"How can you do this to me!" Singapore said "I don't have natural resources, unlike the others."

"But Singapore," Thailand gently said, "I need to raise the prices of rice, it's inevitable!"

"I don't want to import from India!" Singapore moaned. "And none of my neighbours are reliable!"

"Malaysia has his oil palms, but doesn't Indonesia grow his own rice near Yogyakarta?" Thailand asked curiously.

"Don't even think about asking Indonesia." Brunei shook his head. His pet pigs were gathering near a tree, where the four nations were there.

"What's wrong with Indonesia?" Iraq asked curiously. Brunei and Singapore shook his head.

"Don't even talk about rice, he's the biggest importer of them." Brunei said.

"He's pathetic enough to need to import Salt!" Singapore cried.

"What? I thought he's the world's largest archipelago!"

"Salt is one of Indonesia's biggest imports, despite him being surrounded by sea water." Brunei shook his head sadly.

"He has so much natural resources, but he's still poor." China commented airily.

"Shut up, China." Singapore shook his head. "Like you're one to talk."


End file.
